Transformers review, May Contain Nuts, wait, I mean spoilers

Saw the movie Monday, which was very exciting because they really didn’t advertise the earlier release. Sat in line, made the concession stand people awkward, just usual fun. Paramont Promotion Guy ended up giving the kids stickers and fake tattoos, and after much flirting I got some of those too, plus a promo soundtrack.
The movie bits:
Characters: Jazz was so terribly cute he would have made the entire movie worthwhile, if it didn’t already rock. He is a wee lil Solstice with a hard top, ooooooo shiny silver, and smart alec-y as always. Although I have trouble seeing him and Mirage being rambunctious in follow-ups. Optimus made me fall out of my seat, and of course said “Autobots, roll out’ and “Freedom is the right of every sentient being”. Ironhide was a punk, and not nearly in the movie as much as he should have been. Bumblebee was the sexiest thing I think I have ever seen, even without a voice. And the whole upgrade thing rocked my socks off, and how do I get my car to do that? Ratchet really wasn’t in the movie, which made me a really sad camper.
Megatron, A sexy, Cybertronian Jet. Not a gun, a jet. And he has the clap, which is kinda odd. Blackout was sexy, but not really in it. Scroponok was the closest thing to a beast, dino, or really anything living, and he was an insecticon. Brawl wasn’t Brawl, rather he was Devastator, which was a terrible, terrible lie. But at least he still looked cool, right. Barricade had one of the spiffiest fight scenes, with Bumblebee, but again really didn’t add to the plot at all. “Enslave and Destroy” was kinda cool to see on a cop car though, and I can only wonder how destroyed geeky youth of America will be, to learn that the cops are the bad guys. Boncrusher moves like a fruitbooter, but the coolest fruitbooter I know, so its ok I guess. Frenzy by far was the best of the bad, in one little six foot something robot, you got more personality than the rest combined.
The Plot: Was about as good as the original series, which is to say not very. It kinda floated along, with just a general direction and really no twists or turns. It had some brilliant sophmoric humor, as well as some exceedingly clever bits, which was nice. They got just enough cheesy in the movie that diehard fans shouldn’t be disappointed.
Overall I loved the movie, and if I hear one more complaint about the plot, story, or character development, I’ll personally smack you. who in their right minds goes to a kids movie, with big explosions, based off bad eighties comics and cartoons, expecting an in depth plot. Its meant to be fun, and it is.
Spoiler(and I mean a really BIG one): The autobots win

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